Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts

1.12.2014

Dear Blog,

I've had a blog of some kind since 2008. That's now going on 6 years. It's changed and evolved as I've gone from a 14 year old to 20 years old obviously, but it many ways it has stayed the same for me. I love reading blogs and I have since I started one. I've always longed to have an inspiring and yes, I'll admit it, a popular one. I love having a place for my family and friends to see what I'm up to, and I love the few friends I have met through reading blogs. I just wish that I feel less stressed about maintaining it. I feel like I can never post enough for it to be effective, and most of the times it feels like one more thing that I'm failing to accomplish. There is also that whole putting all your thoughts, pictures and information out there for all the world to see.

I do love that now my friend Holly can help me with my design. It's been looking fabulously. The thought of never blogging again is too drastic and is saddening. I just need to rethink what I want a blog of mine to be. I think I may have narrowed down what I'd like my overall new year's resolution to be, and that's time management. That includes going to bed early and waking up early (a reasonable, consistent time), avoid wasting copious time on any of my beloved devices, and using my time to study and create. Currently I find it very hard to read textbooks, take time to just connect with others without my phone on my person, to enjoy creating and in general, all my brain wants to do is be entertained. Constantly chasing after the next update and waiting for new material on instagram, bloglovin, pinterest, and most of all facebook to appear is what seems to fuel my days. I've lost a majority of my motivation to work, read, and create art.

How can I retrain my brain to love things that are real and present more than what exists on a screen?

I feel like my dependency on technology has diminished what I'm capable of. If I could tell you what I'd like to be when I grow up, I'd say I'd like to be somebody, who is somebody. I'd like to create something of myself and gain knowledge of all kinds. How can I accomplish this if all I like to do is spend time on the internet? How can I do anything if my attention span is 10 seconds long?

I know a few things about what I want this blog to be. I'd like to divert my recording of my daily life, relationships, and little events to keeping my daily journal and printing photos. I could use this blog for writing and generating inspiration, with snippets of my life and snapshots of my face inserted. I'd like to have a space on the internet where I can present who I am, as well as work out who I am. Sharing online is part of our culture now, and I'd be daft to stop trying. I'd like this space to have purpose. Writing is therapeutic for me, and if I have a pressure-free space to do it, maybe it would help overcome my constant writer's block/attention deficit.

In conclusion, I'd like to spend less time constantly following the lives of others, (though I will keep that up) and spend more time figuring out who in the world I am. 

9.14.2012

But there are dreams that cannot be

   Lately, I've really been struggling within myself. The major here at BYU that I have always dreamed of is called Music Dance Theater. The thing about this major is every year, they only let 16 out of 150 who applied into the program. Freshman here applied for the program before they even applied for BYU. It's very rare to be admitted the first time you apply. I didn't apply last year because I needed more dance experience first. Now that I'm here, I enrolled in contemporary dance, tap dance, voice lessons, and intro to theater. I went to my first voice lesson on Monday and afterwards, I was so overwhelmed and confused. She said I needed to practice an hour a day in order to be on track with my goals (to apply and have a chance to get into MDT). I went to my contemporary class right after and the whole time I was debating with myself. Can I do this? I was freaked out. 

  What do you do when you are freaked out? Call your mom. So I did as soon as I could. We discussed it, and at the conclusion of that conversation I decided not to apply and to drop my contemporary class (which was actually the more advanced level of the style and not the beginning level). Ever since I've been going back and forth. The main reason I'm not applying is my voice teacher said the most important thing the judges look for is acting, and they already assume you can dance. I do not have enough dance experience so I know I wouldn't get a call-back. It's a difficult decision to make because I know I can't apply next year because I would be applying for my junior year, and they want students that can complete the program in four years total (I would be in school for 6 years, etc). 

  So, why is this so difficult? I feel like I'll have no chance to excel in this area in my life without this major.  I say I love musical theater, but do I really love it? Am I any good at all? I can hardly handle the stress of trying to audition so therefore I probably couldn't handle the actual program. What should I do with myself? And on a more spiritual side, what does Heavenly Father want me to do with my life? 

  In my theater 101 class today we had a discussion with three directors here at BYU. One is the head of the MDT program and he was saying that they are most likely going to be able to do Les Miserables in the future. Everyone was so excited, but I was more depressed than anything. If only I could be a part of that production, which is  one of my dreams, but that doesn't look like a possibility. I know I picked a university that is extremely competitive in all areas, and it's hard to handle. 

  I hate the notion of giving up. By not auditioning, there is a 100% chance of me not being accepted. But without a strong dance background, it's not possible. Plus I really haven't had an extremely strong acting background. I've been involved with lots of productions and classes, but I haven't done a lot of strong solo dramatic work. So the same question arises, what can I do with my life?

  I have a few other dreams besides performing. I'd absolutely love working in the product development at American Girl, and I'd love working for ModCloth. I dream of living in San Francisco and New York City, as well as Southern California. Having a successful blog is also on the list, as well as writing and performing my own songs. But the idea of never being successful in musical theater is really hard, since I've dreamt of it for a long time. I know I'm only 18 and I have my whole life ahead of me, but it's hard not to feel like a complete failure for deciding not to audition. So alas, the title of this post is dramatic, but that is expected. Thank you for reading this far. Until next time,

Love,
Megan M.


1.10.2012

New New Year


Here's my resolution list from 2011:


New Year’s Day

I have to post at this exact time- 11:11 pm on 1-1-11!
I wish this year:
(x) To blog more
I created this new blog that got me inspired to blog more often! I have some room for improvement, but I've still made progress.
(x) to get fit
In August I started 5-Factor Fitness and have lost 15 pounds. I still have probably 15-20 to go, but I'm really proud of myself!
(x) to be creative every day
Not everyday, but while taking my school classes this year I had lots of opportunities to create. I'm counting iPhoneography and journal writing for the daily part.  
(x) to ace the ACT
I got a 28 on the first try and never went back. I wish I could've tried again to get myself some good scholarships, but once was enough. 
(x) to apply to college
Applied and admitted to my second choice, BYU-I. I have to wait a bit longer to hear from BYU.
(x) to be in two productions
(x) to get a solo in choir

-to learn the guitar
I've learned a few chords, but I really got to work on this one in 2012. 
-to take more singing lessons
Same here- choir is nice but I'd like some one on one. 
-to communicate with my far away family more
I feel like I can still improve in this category. Blogging more will help. 
-to write a letter a week
I've written letters and postcards, but definitely not once a week.
-to go to the dance every month
Nope- peaced out by the summertime. 
-(x) (this comes by default) turn 18!
see here
-Love who I am every day
(x) Write more
-Got a new journal and blogged
-(x) Travel
Utah three times
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I'm really excited for 2012- I just love even numbers. I will be graduating high school and starting college. I wrote a list of resolutions in my journal and a few include:
-Have a goal to accomplish every day
-create more visual art
- read more books
I'll post about my trip to Utah over Christmas real soon!
Love,
Megan Marie