Lately, I've really been struggling within myself. The major here at BYU that I have always dreamed of is called Music Dance Theater. The thing about this major is every year, they only let 16 out of 150 who applied into the program. Freshman here applied for the program before they even applied for BYU. It's very rare to be admitted the first time you apply. I didn't apply last year because I needed more dance experience first. Now that I'm here, I enrolled in contemporary dance, tap dance, voice lessons, and intro to theater. I went to my first voice lesson on Monday and afterwards, I was so overwhelmed and confused. She said I needed to practice an hour a day in order to be on track with my goals (to apply and have a chance to get into MDT). I went to my contemporary class right after and the whole time I was debating with myself. Can I do this? I was freaked out.
What do you do when you are freaked out? Call your mom. So I did as soon as I could. We discussed it, and at the conclusion of that conversation I decided not to apply and to drop my contemporary class (which was actually the more advanced level of the style and not the beginning level). Ever since I've been going back and forth. The main reason I'm not applying is my voice teacher said the most important thing the judges look for is acting, and they already assume you can dance. I do not have enough dance experience so I know I wouldn't get a call-back. It's a difficult decision to make because I know I can't apply next year because I would be applying for my junior year, and they want students that can complete the program in four years total (I would be in school for 6 years, etc).
So, why is this so difficult? I feel like I'll have no chance to excel in this area in my life without this major. I say I love musical theater, but do I really love it? Am I any good at all? I can hardly handle the stress of trying to audition so therefore I probably couldn't handle the actual program. What should I do with myself? And on a more spiritual side, what does Heavenly Father want me to do with my life?
In my theater 101 class today we had a discussion with three directors here at BYU. One is the head of the MDT program and he was saying that they are most likely going to be able to do Les Miserables in the future. Everyone was so excited, but I was more depressed than anything. If only I could be a part of that production, which is one of my dreams, but that doesn't look like a possibility. I know I picked a university that is extremely competitive in all areas, and it's hard to handle.
I hate the notion of giving up. By not auditioning, there is a 100% chance of me not being accepted. But without a strong dance background, it's not possible. Plus I really haven't had an extremely strong acting background. I've been involved with lots of productions and classes, but I haven't done a lot of strong solo dramatic work. So the same question arises, what can I do with my life?
I have a few other dreams besides performing. I'd absolutely love working in the product development at American Girl, and I'd love working for ModCloth. I dream of living in San Francisco and New York City, as well as Southern California. Having a successful blog is also on the list, as well as writing and performing my own songs. But the idea of never being successful in musical theater is really hard, since I've dreamt of it for a long time. I know I'm only 18 and I have my whole life ahead of me, but it's hard not to feel like a complete failure for deciding not to audition. So alas, the title of this post is dramatic, but that is expected. Thank you for reading this far. Until next time,
Love,
Megan M.
You don't have to major in MDT to have a life in musical theater. There are all kinds of opportunities away from BYU. Here in Salt Lake there are at least 10 places you can perform. So take all the voice and dance and acting classes you can, and look forward to a great life on the stage. As for BYU, major in general ed or whatever. It doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on how you define "success," Megan. Christy makes a great point, and I'll back that up with my own experience. I'd defined myself as a "singer" from childhood through the last couple of years of high school, when I didn't get along with my choir teacher (and subsequently didn't return my senior year) or get a good part in the school musical my senior year. Losing the performing arts part of my identity was CRUSHING - but it was also soooooooo short-sighted!!! Because I considered myself defeated by these high-school experiences, I didn't even bother with the arts in college (outside of several musical church callings). Never auditioned for a choir or play; dabbled in voice for a summer, took a few dance classes for PE credit, and that was it.
ReplyDeleteBut was that the end of the story? HECK NO!!! Years later, almost a full decade after graduating from high school, I joined the Orange County Mormon Choir and remembered how much performing is a part of my soul. I've done three community theater musicals since then, and now I'm part of another really good community choir. The opportunities are out there if you broaden the scope of what you want. What is your priority? Is it a creative outlet? Doing something you love for the fun of it? Or is it performing professionally? Those are two very different tracks. I think there is a LOT of wisdom in doing the arts because you LOVE them while focusing your education where you can earn a living someday. It truly is the best of both worlds!
(Oh, and you don't have to be in an arts major to do arts on campus, so AUDITION!!! Audition for everything that interests you!!! The more you get out there and don't let discouragement get in your way, the more you'll hone your skills and understand what they want until something does click eventually - and think of all the fun people you'll meet along the way! Total win-win!)